Doors
I stumbled down the hallway. Looking around, I could see two doors opposite each other. I looked in front and behind. Which way? I chose the door behind me, but when I reached it, I was shoved violently backwards. The exact same thing happened when I tried the other door. All at once, the lights were shut off. Slowly, my eyes adjusted to the darkness. A shadow was barreling towards me, and at that moment, a flash of red sparked between my eyes. The lights turned back on and I was kneeling down on the carpet. My head felt jumbled, my throat raw. Blisters decorated my spine.
Great story but at the beginning there should be a period after hallway, not a comma. Also there should be a period at the end when you said "My head felt jumbled and my throat was raw. Blisters decorated my spine." I also think that the part where you said that "A shadow was coming towards me, as if on command..." I do not think that "as if on command" should be there. But that is just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI think you should put a period at your first sentence so it should look like this, 'I stumbled down the hallway, looking around. I could see two doors... (and so on)'
ReplyDeleteAlso i think you should change "was coming" in "A shadow was coming towards me, as if on command." into "came barreling" or "rushed"